Monday, April 16, 2012

Ahhh, ya pussy!

I'm realizing that happiness strikes you at the weirdest times.
I've been very depressed lately.
What I come to understand of it is that, in order to understand happiness, you must first suffer. You have to understand what it is to be the polar opposite of happy.
I believe that living with this coat of depression lately has kind of jaded me.
No, the world has jaded me, but lately I've been carrying this weight on my chest that I can't seem to understand. It's like something is corrupting me.
Today, I saw rays of light shining through this depression veil.
I realize that this feeling is worth it, to enjoy those happy moments.

I've been circling my brain.
Just trying not to lose my grasp on reality.
I have noticed that my mind can't quite cope with certain things yet.
I know what triggered that happy moment.
It was memories of me and my sister.
We had late night adventures to the Wal-mart Market, buying snacks and treats.
Well I would drink a lot of Lipton Green Tea with Citrus.
I bought some after many years and as quickly as I drank and tasted that flavor, those memories rushed over me.
It reminded me of how it feels on a cold day, and the sun peeks through the clouds and rests its warmth on you, for a brief moment.

I still have a hard time fathoming space and the universe.
The idea of heaven and hell.
Limbo...
A conscience.
Haha- I feel insane...
I can't wait for this photo shoot.
Got a lot of stuff I want to get down and out with it.
Hoping for a great final painting from it too.
I want to thank Phil Hale for inspiring it, as well as giving me a nice pallet to work from. :3

I can't cry. I feel like that's just what I need to do right now.
I just can't fucking do it though.
Even when I'm hurt- Nothing... I shocked myself with the recent accident I had on my bike.
I was feeling very much alive while throbbing with pain. It's like, pain is a motivator.
Jaded, I know...

Reflecting on that contrast of happy and depressed was a real eye opener for me.
I need to figure out how to get my shit together.
I want to enjoy and explore the night sky, teeming with it's infinite possibilities.

Here's to life because it's too short... One sided.
Here's to love because it's never really enough. One sided.
Here's to happiness because it's always overcast. One sided.


 I'm working pretty hard on my master copy. Like I previously mentioned, the proportions are off, but it's because I didn't do an under painting with like, a sketch or anything. The idea was to focus and get the pallet right. As far as the colors go I've got it down pretty well. I've also finished preparing for my final.
I just need to do a photo shoot and go from there.


 As far as digital stuff goes, I worked on the girls face for a bit today, as well as worked on the monastery concept a bit more.
I'm digging it now that I have an idea of how I want the buildings to look.

I don't think I really touched the boat much since the other day.
So yeah, that's what I've been up to.

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