Sunday, March 27, 2016

Wrap up. Street Art Samus.

Here's what I've been working on.
I'm not sure the next one. Pokemon? or Legend of Zelda?
I'm going to make a series of these though.
Different styles of graffiti. zzzz I'm tired.

Monday, March 21, 2016


Today I woke up in complete darkness.
No Sun, no moon, no lights. Just complete darkness.
I got tense, but realized that I'm still in control.
I open up. I begin to truly see. I'm surrounded by stars.
There is light. It's so faint, so distant. The light of the dead.

On another note:

That moment when you realize all you've been doing your entire life is running from problems and not really understanding how to face them properly because how you were raised, with all the crap going on, no one told you how to be human because no one fucking knows how to be one themselves. They are projections of what they think they should have been and created a misshapen emotional wreck who has escapism issues because dealing with real life is painful and harsh.
You wanna know how to change?
You just honestly sit down and get down to the root of your inner person. You have to really listen, and for me it's taken a long while to discover the true person inside me.
I learned that I lived my life in constant fear. Fear of the domestic violence and abuse, verbal and physical. I lived in fear of not getting good grades, which would mean I would have to be stuck in that situation and perpetuate a cycle of it. I grew up thinking, is this how families operate? I grew up scared that at any moment everything could end in the blink of an eye because of how my step dad acted. I learned to cope with escaping into video games. I merely just ran from the issues. Never faced them. I got good grades in school and thrived away from home because I could actually be SAFE. I did well in school because that meant I could play games without worry as well. I always thought when I was younger, at least you don't do drugs or anything. You could be in a worse situation. You'll never become an addict. Which, I haven't yet. BUT the thing is, I am an addict. I'm addicted to not dealing with my issues. I'm addicted to running away. I'm addicted to escaping into other realms with video games because I cannot deal with my own internal emotions. I run. I never stand up to the fear, or have that definitive internal conversation that makes peace.
In life we are on a quest to find ourselves, but if we keep running how does it ever happen?
I think I've finally slipped on the cusp of being who I'm supposed to be.
I have to stop running. I have to stand up and take control of everything. Be responsible for myself and actions. It's something I never thought I'd do. I was always lying to myself thinking that I already was doing it.
It's time to get everything together, line them up in a row, knock 'em down and out, get it sorted out, and be the human I need to be.

 Almost done working on this samus thing. We'll see. Still messing around with it.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Yikes- It's almost been 1 month.

I've been talking to myself for a bit now about what I want to accomplish with my skills in art. What speaks to me on that deeper level.
I've seen a lot of artists emulating the things they love the most from artists they love the most and I figured I would do the same.
I really love graffiti and street art.
Why not mix the things I love with that?
Figured I would finally attempt them.

Here's my rough idea for a Samus / Metroid style one.

I really freaking liked the idea of it being a mural. Something you'd see in a back alley with heart!

I'm not too sure how I feel about the SAMUS text, so I might mess around with that s'more. But there's some awesome nods to the things I liked in Metroid.

I splashed some color on it just to see what I'd be looking at / endgame...
Seems cool.

Now I'm just in the middle of cleaning up the drawing.
We'll worry about coloring and stuff later.

More to come in the near future. I'm looking for work and not really finding anything. I have a few leads on some stuff. We'll see how things pan out.
Can't believe how all my worst nightmares have come true, but they haven't destroyed me.
As if to say I created these monsters and have easily slain them because the only thing powering them was myself.
Holding true to the idea that 2016 will be great.
So far it's been interesting to say the least.
On the horizon:
I have been streaming a lot since I have more free time so it's a lot of hanging out with my community and trying to make something of it.
I think I'm going to do a charity stream for breast cancer.
My aunt was told that she has cancer and my family is freaking out because we just recently lost another aunt. So everyone is on edge.
I think that streaming for a cause like that would be awesome.

As far as art goes I'm going to focus on this street art inspired Nintendo stuff.
We'll see where this takes me.
One day at a time.