Trying to make cool stuff

owls are cool, right? Right!
Cool so here's an owl.
Well, he's not cool enough.
Who can be cool just being themselves?
He really needs to be himself.

OK so we made him cooler by feeling out his character.
Right? Right!

Now to clean that shit up!

EVEN COOLER! RIGHT!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

The thought of letting go

Since my early 20's I've kind of suffered from this late night downward spiral of panic that stems from laying in bed alone.
Laying in bed alone makes me think about the future I want to have.
Someone who loves me, laying next to me.
Sharing the love, being an active participant in their happiness, and mine.
Doing art, thinking of the things I want to complete, and things I want to work on from being inspired by new outside sources.
Thinking of completing things in a timely fashion because although we know not our hour, our time will end.
No one gets out alive.
And then boom. I start racing thoughts of all these things that COULD be wrong with me. Why I'm alone. What it's going to be like when I'm dying.
Is it complete darkness when I'm dead.
Is it like when you're sleeping? That darkness..
Do you wake up again?
Is it like being reborn? Do we relearn things via a new host?
Do I consist of energy that is indestructible? Does this energy move on?
Is there a such thing as a soul? Is heaven real, cause fuck if it is..
I've done my best so far to lead a good life, as a kind man.
I saw the horrors of child abuse and domestic violence.
I grew up with drug abusers and trauma that no kid should ever exprience.
I just can't believe I've made it this far. I can't believe I've made it this far doing so little. Humans are capable of such greatness and it feels like a lot of it is squandered.
I don't think I'll ever lose hope in the idea that we can be great. Which is a root in my kindness. I may not give every bum who asks me for change, money, or anything but to the people I do help and do choose to be helpful to out weigh that right?
So when I die, and my heart is being weighed to see it's value. I don't think I will be disappointed. I know I will, and have given it my all and my best.
I'm trying to do it well. I'm just trying. I haven't given up yet. I'm still here fighting.
But then the time does come where I won't be able to fight anymore.
That darkness. The void? I don't know
No one does. I think that's what gets me all weird.
Life seems like a simulation of things that are supposed to happen to you to test your character.
What kind of person are you? What weight does this soul have? Can it be changed? What happens if something is different next time?
Isn't the Buddhist idea of life something along the lines of you keep coming back until you have learned all your lessons and your soul is pure to transcend?
Something like that. I could have made it up for all I know.
But yeah, this idea of being alive. A gift we are given without asking. We are born, given this vessel to pilot this "reality" reacting to the things going on around us.We learn as much as we care to and do the things we want, then it's taken away.
We are unplugged. That's it.
I think that's why I always loved escaping into video games. I could always just turn it on and I'm back to where I left off. Or I could start a new game but my character is still there.
Now, I'm not so much scared like I used to be about this idea of dying. I used to lay in bed, freak out, get up, slam the doors and hit things including myself because is it really real? I would yell and cry about how much bullshit this is because even though I didn't ask to be here, I'M STILL HERE and there's nothing I can do about it.
But that freaky idea of the unknown. That morbid side of me..
I just think I want more for myself before I go. I hope to achieve something. I hope to be something for someone. Before I don't know what 115 degrees feels like. Or what it's like to get severely hurt in a bike accident.

This doesn't seem that bad, but my knee got pretty fucked up. I'm finally able to bend it after a couple of days.
I keep thinking about how it's bad karma, like I'm paying off some karmic debt for something I did. The balance of good and bad.
Well, either way, we die. that's that.

We've Lost Touch.

I found something pretty hilarious tonight as I was drawing.
I was trying to draw this curve, but I kept drawing it and it was coming out the same way each time. But I still erased it and tried again, knowing I needed to switch the angle so I could get the exact curve I was looking for. I did it like 40 times before I just laughed and switched the angle. Why did I repeatedly put myself up for failure knowing I needed to make a simple change?
I think it's a thing most people need to realize in their life if they want to make changes for the better.
You see the path. You know what you need to do, but yet you still just keep making the same mistake(s).
Silly.

  

I wanted to make more characters. I browsed around the internet for things that I thought were interesting or cool. I've always wanted a cool unicorn piece. So that was first on the list. But everything else just kind of came to me when getting the stuff I wanted to do down. So above is the rough ideas of what I thought when I thought of the words. Then, I kind of just cleaned them up a bit to flesh out the ideas a bit more. 

 

I liked Banana Man a lot so I kind of just did that first.

I think he'll make a great sticker.

I loved the little grumpy cloud. No fucks given. He's a little cool one.

Then the cool unicorn. 
Just sticker ideas for comic con. I'm going to see what happens these next few months. I don't know if these will turn out like I want. But I'll figure it out as time goes on. I have a local shop with a friend who's running things. Kind of looking forward to having a relationship with producing my digital work into something real.
The stickers will be a great thing to have at con. I think it'll drive a lot of sales. It's something small and cheap to walk away with. Which I think most people at con are looking for. Cool items that are inexpensive that look great from cool artists.

I'm most excited about doing a bunch of spray painted items and a cool Samurai Jack give away at the booth. Still working everything out. But as time goes on it will be clearer.
It all started with the Pizza Ghost.
I just envisioned myself at a booth selling cool street art stuff.
It's a thing that's always inspired me from the beginning.
I'm glad I kind of just sat down and started working on this idea more and more fleshing out things.

I've been stockpiling some cardboard from boxes at work.
They are perfect for carving my stencil ideas into and also perfect canvases for the art.
So, naturally I'm coming up with ideas to spray.

Alright, so naturally people aren't so much interested in individual artists at comic con. They are more interested in the things that brought them there. The comics, characters and what ever else. I knew I was not going to have a lot of traffic for just Pizza Ghost and what ever else I have going on, I haven't established myself as an artist with any famous publications or anything. I'm nothing on Twitch.tv. (which is a whole other story I'll blog about in a bit) So I have to have a hook. Something cool for people to look at and relate to quickly to bring them over. Fan art always does the trick. Now this is a fucking double edged sword with cons because artists are always complaining about how artists will prey on con goers with this tactic, but it's a legit way to get noticed.
Obviously I'm a nerd and I love the same stuff. I figured I would do some art that would be cool in my eyes. I hope that others feel the same.
The first picture is just some stuff I thought of to do to bring people to my booth.
Some simple two or three color stencils of famous comic book heroes / villians. Simple enough, and then they can check out the stuff I really like and make.
If things are super easy to make I might just have a lot of spray painted items at the con. Variety is good.
Here's to a productive week.

as;ldkjaviee3iwifjsdwiwiwiwiwiwiwiwiwiwiwiwiwiii

Damn guys. I just don't know.
I'm tired of ups and downs.
But that's all life is.
Holding onto the ups while you're down. Knowing that it'll get better, things will work out.
I sit here with a headache, justasfj;lk.



^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
that was from last week, but I didn't finish my post so there's that.

This was something I finished a bit ago, which was why I was writing that last blog update.
I've been just trying to do a lot of things.

I've also decided that I will be contributing art to Tucson Comic-Con again.
I have been stockpiling supplies and am now on a creative binge.
I'm working on things that I find interesting to me.

Going to start working on stencils and spray paint stuff for con. Putting my pizza ghosts on some stickers. As well as the other things too. I'm hoping to sell a lot of cool original art. But I have to have that hook to rope people in, so I'm working on some fan art.