Splatoon X Panty & Stocking

Here's what getting work done looks like.
Let's keep the steam pumping. Chug-a-chug-a-Chooo-CHOOOOO!

Rick and Morty X Samurai Jack

Here's what a good day looks like.
Let's have more of these. 

The Tears Roll Down.

I was reading today about some of my issues and how I should attempt to solve them.

One of the things that stood out to me the most was trying to take more risks and be more honest with myself.
Also, to just ultimately reach out to people instead of thinking I'm not good enough and just being silent.
I recently did this.
I found someone I thought would make a great friend and even took the risk of asking them to hang out. Which was a success, but overall it turned into a nightmare.

I'm not one for breaking routine or going outside my comfort zones because honestly I'm tired of getting hurt, but this time I was just like fuck it. What's there to lose? And honestly I wish I never had said anything because it would be better to have the chit-chat and what-ifs over this.
Let me explain.
Have you ever been in a situation where you just naturally click with someone and while you chat with them you feel like your battery is recharging? You aren't being drained of your life essence? You feel like a normal human being? 

I have that with only a few people I deal with on a daily basis.
It's great. I am not the robot at the register. I can be Zach. I can be me and they like me for me.

I feel like the first problem with this situation is that the person I asked to be my friend is a woman.
Not trying to sound sexist, but it already does. Just follow along here.

I am a chubby guy and I feel like I may not be the most handsome guy, or let alone an inkling of charming, but after a few great conversations with this woman, she told me specifically that she thought I was charming and that she's always had a good time connecting with me. That was my signal to hang out, outside of work. I mean- I even was clear, as friends, not looking for anything romantic. Not being clear on that front tends to cause issues with things like, "Oh I thought you were being nice cause you wanted to fuck me." as well as other things along those lines.
Sure, she's cute and we share a lot of similar interests but honestly I can't even consider dating someone, let alone giving my broken ass to someone with the idea of like, "OK you figure it out cause I can't!"
So we hang out and we have a great time. Sharing experiences and everything. Hours pass by and we're just having this grand time. I find out all kinds of stuff, I share stuff, we are grooving. It's all around a great time.
I tell her that I'm grateful for her shaking up my reality and showing me I'm not just some robot and reminding me that there's substance to me.
We agree to hang out again.
Messages become one word answers from her.
I ask what's up and it's always "Busy" or something else.
This is immediately a red flag to me, triggering my internal issues telling me that I fucked something up. I mean how is it that we could get along so well for so long then all of a sudden she just walls up and shuts me out?
I just feel like I said something wrong, or maybe she thought I was playing a different angle.
I honestly just wanted to get out of my comfort zone and have a new friend in my life that I could share things with. Yes it started out with these ideas of attraction. She's a Pisces and I'm a Capricorn. We have chemistry that's not on a level of earthly understanding. We just knew we would be good friends but then it's just tossed aside from fears on her end?
This situation happens a lot with me.
I want to just want something new. Finding friends is hard and I just don't know what to do to combat my loneliness.
I've been reading about it a lot.
It's cause from a lot of the childhood trauma I suffered. I have to some how come to terms with it, which for the most part I have. I feel at peace with what happened to me and I feel like a big person and a better human. I don't let it bug me too much but there's things that just still have ripples from that time. Like me feeling useless and annoying. Or that I just don't fit in. No one thinks I'm cool. I have to try twice as hard to get things. My negative internal monologue. My inability to complete artwork or projects because of constant failure.
The trigger with this situation just made me feel like all of the things. A failure mainly because I can't even be someones friend.

making a list and checking it twice for comic con in november. 

A Rick & Morty x Samurai Jack

 

A Splatoon x Panty & Stocking.

A Breath of the Wild inspired design. 

I wanted to do something with the Master Sword and Link that I haven't really seen before so I liked where this one was going. 

And some shit I was thinking about with the Deku Tree.

Thinking about 7 other things to do. 10 drawings exclusive for the con. Selling just a couple of prints and then the stuff that didn't sell last year.
Thinking about doing sticker grab bags that have a mix of the stuff I made. Sounds fun.