Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Slowly getting into a good feeling.

Been making some changes in my life and looking at things in a more positive way.
I think a positive mental attitude is a great way to tackle things that are very difficult, and keeping this PMA is very difficult through the really fucking challenging things.

I did a new avatar for my online shit, like for my twitch and stuff.
There's my rough and then my vector final version.

I think it's cool.

working on this make it rain tshirt. here's the progress so far.

Seems to be going along decently.

In the future I hope to have some more roughs done. Working on an overlay for my since we now have a blue screen effect. Gotta make things look cool!
We are at 750+ followers right now, getting about 20 - 30 people watching consistently.

Donations are helping as well as I opened a patreon account to hit milestone goals and supporter goals.

Shit's been going OK lately.
We'll see what happens-

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Feeling OK.

I did that today in hopes that it becomes as popular as my original monster hunter t involving the meat and the bbq spit. We'll see.
It's really simple, which is what I think drove the sales of the other t.
It's inspired by the simple t's that rescues do to help boost funds during fundraisers, or for people who support them.  In Monster Hunter 4 you can rescue Felynx / Melynx that are called Palicoes. They are your little battle companions. You can equip armor and give them weapons as they help you take down huge monsters. The inspiration fits just that as you visit Sunsnug Island and see there's a spot for every Palico you rescue!

Guys, I just wanted to say that life has been very difficult for me this year, but I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see level ground. I see secure footing. I see stability. Finally.
I've put up for sale a lot of my childhood items. And I think letting go of the stuff will be a bit of a metamorphosis of who I am as a human being.
Being able to let go of my Nintendo 64 stuff the other day was rough but also very relieving.
I am able to resolve a legal garnishment against me because of this sale. I put up my SNES and my NES as well. I hope those sell too.

 I've been struggling with personal issues lately too. I've been feeling like shit and something really stuck with me today and I burst into tears. It was really fucking odd for me considering I haven't cried in a long time. I blame my past and my step-dad for that..  I had to be tough and I couldn't cry or it'd get worse. ----- I digress.
Markiplier was playing a game, The Static That Speaks My Name, and in the game there was an option to say something that really hit me deep, which is what kinda made me tear up but at the end... He started talking about how suicide isn't the option and it just hit me pretty hard.
What the option was in the game read, " I'm embarrased for everyone who ever believed in me... "
This is exactly how I feel, or felt anyways. To a "T" and it really made me think about where I stand, who I am, and where I am right now at that moment. I have felt this way, often. And even for the people who still felt like they should help me. It just hurt me the more I saw I was hurting them.
There's always a better option, he said to the camera. There is reason to live, he said to me.
There has to be a better way, he said to ME. Even though he was talking to the camera. He was talking to me.

I felt like shit. Like, who am I to be so selfish.

Anyways, the stream has been doing extremely well. I got stuff to finish my 'green' screen, which is actually blue. I got a sweet lighting kit to get the full effect. The stream looks 100% legit twitch official. I'm so excited. The viewers have been supporting me like crazy. I'm signing up for a Patreon account for further support on a monthly basis.

I'm trying to think of shit to work on for next wednesday... I need to get writing for my cartoon. I need to make some stuff for comic-con.. I need to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with myself.

But I know this. Things will always work out if I just keep on trying.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

losing sight of what's important.

Hey guys, just wanted to update because it looks like there's been quite a gap since I posted last.
I've been kinda depressed due to the shit that's been going on lately.
I just don't know what to do with my life. I'm getting really tired of the routine and I'm kinda just looking for something exciting.
I'm feeling jaded. There are a few things that have been brightening me up though, so it's not as bad as it seems.

I finished up that design of the melynx. I'm totally satisfied with it.
I feel the little improvements the more I make more work.

I have some stuff in the works. The Mario card is in the rework stage. Trying to figure out how to simplify it.

I'm thinking about those animals with guns and making one other one to make it a cool t shirt series, or something. I gotta think of a cool style to do them in as well..

I dropped some previous ideas that involved Monster Hunter 3 since 4 is out now and the stuff has moved on. I want to make a Palico related tshirt. Like a palico house for wayward cats, I dunno... Something a long the lines of that. Or like a rescue tshirt since you kinda do rescue them with your hunter.

I'm getting more and more ideas onto paper with my damn cartoon.
I didn't think it was going to be so hard working on something but it's so challenging to get anything done. I want to work on it so much but between my full time job and my part time streaming job I can't do shit. I just need to get shit down on paper and just plug along...

We'll see what the days hold for me. I'm skeptical but hopeful.