:)

Hi reader.
Welcome back to the blog.

I wrote a lot complaining about the bullshit going on in my life.
Look. Life sucks. It really does at times. But then there are times where it's really good.
I am so ready for the really good parts.
I want so many more good parts right now.
I am tired of the shitty stuff. I don't want anymore bullshit.

I want so much for myself.
Then at times I don't want to work for it.
I need to really get things figured out.

I'm trying to do really well at my new job. Learning the operations is fun. I'm glad I have the strong foundation of my customer service skills already. I just want to be in a good spot where I don't have to worry. I want to clock in, do work and be well.

I think I found it.

Now to just get my financial stuff settled. I can't wait for 3 months from now when I can look back at this hard struggle and be like, "Wow... Glad that's over."

I started working on the Twitch streams again. I kind of just hunkered down and created a bunch of art and graphics. I put in a lot of stuff for the "aesthetic" of the place.
I think it's been fun getting down on that.

There's a start up screen that involves text digitizing and warping out. Unfortunately it wont load up on this but more of the stream art is below.

Here's the going offline screen, when the stream ends. 

Then we have the offline screen that's on the channel page when I am not live.

There are the subscriber perks. There are unique channel badges, and unique subscriber only emotes we will bring to the table. I can do more emotes when we unlock them with more subscribers.

There are panels at the bottom of the video player that gives you a bit more info about the stream and what not.

I've been working pretty hard on the "brand" and I think that the uniform style is really cool plus, it's unique. Metroid is my favorite game series and I hope to continue making unique emotes and keeping it a part of the steams image.
Anyways. Here's to a good June. I hope that things just start settling down for me.

-Zach


Later on I continued to make stuff.

I also just have been circling in my mind how sad I am to be so lonely.
But then I look at myself and I see why. Who could love /this/ as I motion to myself.
I can't help it but think that my physical appearance is what's holding people back from getting to know me. It truly feels like it is. I am so upset with my past self and how I am now. It's like, I let myself get this way due to seeking comfort, instead of challenging myself to be better, like I did when I was in college. I felt like I was physically healthier then, but not mentally. It's the reverse now. I've got shit all good in the mind but everything else just fell apart.
I'm tired of making excuses. People have come and gone with offering help and guidance.
I feel like people get tired of me, and then just move on. Like fuck that guy.
I know it's not easy being my friend. You have to actually try with me. Because I feel like I'm too much of a burden.
I'm tired of feeling like a turd. I honestly believe that if I had someone by my side encouraging me to do it, and be better I would feel more inclined to do it.
It just isn't in the stars for me. I'm destined to be alone. My life journey is to just struggle. There will be no end until the day I die or give up and kill myself.