I've been thinking about stuff that's cool and important to me.
What's it going to be like for me in the future? What's the purpose I hold deep with-in me to keep moving forward? What's the fucking point? What's worth it?
Lot's of stress on myself lately because I just want to be the best person I can be before I leave this world. I grew up in a shitty environment and I just don't want to perpetuate cycles and keep the shit going on forever. I want to break the cycle and the chain that was cast on me.
I try really hard at my job. I try really hard for the people I care about. I try too much and I expect too much.
These are thoughts I've been processing a lot lately.
I've been taking on a lot of responsibility for shit I don't have to. I was stressing about shit I don't have to. I was doing things that I don't have to. I was doing it because I want people to succeed. I want people to look at me positively. I want to have a good impact on everything around me that I directly care about.
It wasn't working nor was it doing anything that I wanted.
I feel free.
I'm letting go of the shit.
I'm letting go of the whispers behind my back of blatant shit talk.
I'm letting go of giving advice that is falling on deaf ears.
I'm letting go of trying to make sure others succeed when it's obvious they don't care!
I'm going to focus on making sure I do a good job at anything I put my focus on.
I'm making sure I am the best I can be at anything I do, period.
I'm working on things now, slowly, but still doing something.
The stream is going well. I decided to just stream on Tuesdays. Doing it during the week is just really stressful for me. I know people want consistency but I just can't stream all the time like I used to.
My job means a lot to me and if I were to lose it- I'd be fucked.
I don't have the safety of living with anyone rent free / worry free.
I have these responsibilities I chose to have to keep my life simplified.
This job allows me to do the things I like doing- Collect video games, Play games, and Make ART.
The stream is a big time focus for me. I want nothing more in the world then to be a popular video game player online. I want nothing more than an awesome niche on Twitch.tv.
I want nothing more than the ability to hang out with people online who care about me and my opinions. I want to make cartoons with them. I want to make art with them. I want them to support me in these ventures. And I want to be a leader of this cool community on twitch.
I've been doing some art stuff on the side. Nothing too crazy.
Making a Zinogre version of the Deviljho T-shirt I made. He's a bit more popular so I hope to make some money, as selfish as it sounds, off this T-
I was doodling some shit at work, so there's Mario and Luigi, Clunk and Swiggins, and then Mega Man. These are things that kinda just are inside my mind and want to get out in some creative way.
I hope to turn these into successful designs or something.
The Zin piece is going to take some work, much like the Jho one. I don't expect to have it ready / done so quickly. I want it to look awesome.
I can't let anyone down.
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