How does it happen like this every time?

Originally I posted this 5/19/2018.
Some shit went down that was straight up ridiculous and I made it private / took it down.
Well, since everything is all said and done here it is.
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redacted

Today I got into my car and I had to take a second to keep myself from breaking down.

I'm so fed up right now.

I just can't believe all this hard work I have done my whole life and people still treat me so poorly.

I work really hard to have what I have.

I don't know what I do to allow behavior like this?!

I do my best to treat people with respect and I talk to them as a friend and yet I still am treated so negatively.

I can't believe the last 5 jobs,

GC Services - Collections, 

Bookstore - Retail, 

Bookmans - Retail, 

Chatime - Barista / Retail, 

Zia - Retail,

They have almost ended up the same way. Someone has an unjustified unwillingness to work with me, they then continue to cause problems for me until I either lose my shit and quit or it goes so far that I can't defend myself and I'm asked to leave.

I am at my limit with how my recent job treats me.

Originally, this job was a life saver and it was honestly awesome.

Then in June last year when I got transferred to Speedway it became a fucking nightmare.

I had been mistreated by the assistant manager and one of her lackeys and I wanted to quit so hard for 6 months. I asked repeatedly for transfers and shift changes. The way they would talk down to me, and make fun of me, or just cause stupid problems with little taddletales and shit just got overwhelming.

I did a lot to show my appreciation for the job. I'm vocal about what's working and what isn't. I tried trouble shooting things and finding ways to work with it, you know how that ended up? I had to just put up with it because of pure incompetence. I don't know how many times I've had to walk away pissed off because nothing happens. I kept asking if it was me, or what because if I was the problem I would quit.

One day my assistant manager tells me very boldly that I just need to find a new job and that I should quit.

When I got a car I had the ability to switch to night shifts to alleviate the tension since my store manager did nothing. I had to take the matters into my own hands. Swapping the shift was a breeze.

I finally was feeling some peace but now as time goes by on these nights, the lack of compassion and drive these night shift managers have is deplorable.

I asked to move back to days or work mids and I get this as a response with a scoff, "Not everyone gets to work their preferred shift."
My managers unwillingness to work with me is really frustrating, and then on top of that the job is just really letting me down with how they congratulate and reinforce the people who literally do nothing their whole shift except text on their phone and fuck around in the aisles while walking from the front to talk to co-workers, then get bored then do the same shit to the back of the store.
I just don't understand how they want me to work so hard, for nothing then everyone else can fuck around and do nothing and it's OK!? 

I do not work so hard to be talked down on, micromanaged and belittled.
I know my job and what's required of me and I complete the tasks because I am a reflection of my work. I have pride in what I do and this is where I'm just tired of it all.
I walked out of work today and I saw my car.
I put my stuff down in the car and I sat there just thinking about this whole situation.
I always have this thought in the back of my head that just keeps saying how I should have just killed myself in 2010. Because it's not like anything is much better now.
I always argue with this damn statement because cool things have happened since.
What I felt tonight was just pure hatred for these fucks I work with. It's like dudes, I don't treat you this way why is it OK to talk to me like this, it isn't.
I looked at my car, got in and was just like damn. 9 years ago I didn't have this. It was all taken away.
I left my job and I lost my car, I got court ordered judgements against me. I walked and took the bus to school when I enrolled.
I suffered for two years before the school gave me excess funds. I had to borrow books and scrimp on supplies for my projects because I had no other way.
Then I got a job at the bookstore and things just turned around for me. I was able to support myself and be something.
The school stuff didn't pan out with an awesome job in the industry but the people I met along the way helped me feel better about being alive.
And after all that time I worked really hard on myself, trying to make myself something cool using what I learned, so I could get a job doing something with my art.
But to no avail I had to still keep crawling from job to job to make things work out.
I'm still struggling. Nothing has really changed. I'm in the same spot I was before I left for school.

I just hate it when that nagging voice is right. I couldn't keep myself from being shitty about it.