The ringing of distant bells reminds me of a time when I was young. It makes me think of everything I have.
It makes me feel ungrateful. It makes me resentful.
It makes me reflect on these jaded feelings.
I don't deserve most of the things I have.
There's so much more I want to have and experience, but I'm so selfish with the materials and relationships I already have.
I don't deserve the kindness of my companions, or the compassion. The pure generosity of my loved ones.
What have I truly done to earn it?
I feel like I'm just an energy leech. Like as if I'm not really doing the best I can, or working up to my full potential.
It makes me feel guilty.
I wish I could achieve certain things, and I work hard at doing it. I work very hard at it. But with the lack of rewards it always makes me question everything.
Here's to a better year. 2016, please be good to me and everything I care about. Including the friends and family I don't deserve to have.
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