2018 the blog post

I started 2018 in a tough spot.
I was in a very toxic situation the hardest thing was realizing I had to do something about it.
But I worked through it and I got a lot accomplished!

In January, I celebrated my birthday, and Garth's birthday as well. It was fun and simple but it was our one year mark and I'm glad to have rescued him. I started the new year with Brian and Darla. We got super drunk and ate pizza. I tried honey whiskey for the first time.
Also, on the 14th my sister, Vanessa died. It was due to heart failure. I have my own thoughts about how things played out for her and it does hurt knowing she's gone.
At the funeral I caught up with some relatives and one got to lighting a bit of a fire on an idea I had been kicking around since college. She told me that since Fox was bought by Disney, and that her wife worked on New Girl that if I kept in contact with them and had some ideas for shows to talk about it might be a good time to pitch something, or even just talk about it.
So I started working really hard on writing Oliver & Monsterbutt. I mean, I was already working on it but now there was a purpose.
This was a shift for me, less actual art work and more writing...

In February I went to the doctor and she ran some blood tests on me and what not. Turns out things are OK. She talked to me about my mental health and suggested I get on medication and talk to a counselor there. I refused. My overall health is OK, just need to lose some weight. I didn't want to take medications or anything because I don't want to slip down the slope my mom is currently in.
I was working at a dead end job with people who were so unhappy with themselves they couldn't even be bothered to assist me with making great changes or doing the right thing.

I think about it from time to time where I just can't believe my old store manager wouldn't consider doing something so simple as to just have a conversation with his employees about their attitudes, or find ways to build people up and support them. I was willing to make big life changes like move to another location in a whole other state. This is how desperate I was to make a change. I didn't want to leave the style of work. I enjoy retail and I really loved the business of working at Zia Records. I just couldn't believe how there was a lack of integrity there. Some of the people I met, I truly care for. It happens when you spend a lot of time together. There were some that did want to see things get better and they did try as best they could but in the grand scheme of it all, nothing was going to change unless the structure of management did something better. It was clear that nothing was going to happen..

I met a girl and we dated for a bit. She was pretty cool, for the most part. As time went on things got a little more complicated. She was a certain way with me, then different with friends, hers and mine. Our love languages didn't mesh. She thought that gifts and things of the material nature were good, which they are nice, but I needed more physical attention, and words of affirmation. It just didn't work out. I gave it the college try though, I didn't want to give up on such petty terms but sometimes thems the breaks.

I worked on my credit pretty hard when I got the job at Zia in 2017. I got a pretty decent credit score, and then started looking for a bank that would lend me money. Knowing that the only way I could get a better job was to get a vehicle, things became pretty clear to me that it was the only way to make things work better for me. So, in April I got a car. I immediately started looking for other jobs and applied like a mad man. I went to interviews before work and just moved mountains to find something better, but alas, no real luck.

During this time I was meeting up with Chris and his wife Amanda, we were doing some physical training. I wanted to get in shape and start working on my physical health. We met up 2-3 times a week and did this for some time before things got complicated with my schedule and his. He is a firefighter now.

I applied at Geico and went through a pretty intensive process, where they talked to me about my pay wage, my schedule and everything but then decided at the last moment to move forward with someone else.
At that time I was pretty bummed out but then I got wind of a new project opening up. Costco needed people to take calls for their online support. I was having a hard time talking myself into going back to a call center, but I applied and got the job. I was super stoked. The hope was that because it was a new project that as it grew I would grow with it. I'm a confident leader with awesome skills. I was eager to be put to the test and utilized properly, unlike my jobs at Bookmans, Zia, and Chatime.

I got the job offer in July. I started in September.
Getting this job did a lot of things for me with my self confidence.
I met a girl that I fell in love with. I made some new friends.
I started dressing better, went to a big and tall store and found clothing that looks awesome and fits well. I was working on myself really hard. I was faking it until things just worked out.
But I quit exercising and stuff. So I gained some weight. I'm currently at my worst. I really need to get it all together. The thing about me falling in love. It was clear in a previous blog post.
I had to walk away because this person made a promise to me and broke it. It was truly painful but I am not letting it kick me back or make my life worse. I have to pick up and move on. Knowing a woman like her is capable of liking me it gave me hope that someone that is even 2 times better than her will come along. She really hurt me though, there's no doubt there.
I currently work with an awesome structure and the management has stuff in place that makes it work working there. I'm currently a floor supervisor. So fuck yeah. Things are good for me.

During this time I tried making this special day with my mom. In the time that I moved out she and I never had the chance to hang out. But now I have a car and all that. So I planned this day with her.
I basically asked her to come over to my place so she could meet my cat and see where I've been staying. I planned a meal with her and eliminated all factors that would cause complications. But, as per the usual... Things unraveled and devolved to her calling me cussing at me telling me how horrible I am and how big of a piece of shit I am. I waited outside her apartment for an hour and a half. I called her repeatedly and asked her what the heck she was doing, only to get the reply that she was still getting ready. In reality she was passed out and messed up on her medication. She couldn't keep it together enough to go through with our plans. It really broke my heart. I cried on my friends shoulder about it...

Art club is still cool. We all get together and work on stuff. I started writing a few short stories while working on O&MB. I missed out on Tucson Comic Con this year just because of my new job. I didn't have art to sell anyways.
I ended the year on a tinder date at the wench. I was looking for a new years kiss but I left the same way it's always been.

Alone and in the rain.

I am hopeful for a great 2019.