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here's some progress on We Are FUTURE piece I'm working on.
I got some stuff done. Working on getting a composition down and colors and everything. But there's stuff so far.

Here's something I find pretty interesting and I'll be working this into a tshirt design that I will submit to TeeFury, RIPT, Yetee, etc etc.
It's a Metroid x Stranger Things design and I'm super excited about the idea and fleshing it out more and more as I go on.
So the topmost one is the rough idea, and then today I redrew it again to get things more solid. Working more and more as time comes to pass before the con.
I'm leaving for soon for San Diego. I'm very relieved to go on vacation and check out Twitch Con.
When I get back it's time to grind for Tucson Comic Con.

eh. what are you gonna do?

Overwatch sprays are working out pretty well.
they are quick and fun to spray. Cutting out the stencils tho. That part sucks asshole.
I'm still not sure how many to create. I guess we'll just make a couple of each and see if it's too much or what.

Still have a lot to cut out and create.
Got a lot of the other art I wanted printed out for stencils too.

Made some cool rough ideas for cat stickers.

Feel like they were solid designs. Felt strongly towards making them something.

The cats came out really good. I can't wait to get them stickerized and stuff for Con.
A lot of people really liked watching me create them on Twitch.tv and were asking when they'd be available. I guess they wanted to buy some right away.
I'm looking at having them at the con only, then posting them online afterwards.
It's good to have some exclusivity.

Here's an ASTRO-Shark Explorer. Some kind of rough idea of something that seemed really cool to make. 

Here's a little something I'm putting together- Just something weird in my mind.
I've been liking this grubby gas mask fly and the video camera vulture.
Decided to use an old drawing from a while ago to tie it all together.
It's a rough draft in process at the moment.

Oh, I started an instagram. You can find me by searching ZachyMassacre I'm sure.

Fuck? I guess.

I love all this talk about hard work paying off. I guess I'm just sad that all this work has been going down but it feels like I'm in a hole.
I just keep working, get depressed about how I can't make it what I envisioned, then feel bad. Take time to recover. Rinse repeat. Trying to make it happen. Trying to be the best version of my inner self everyday but it's getting harder and harder.
How do people live to 80+ years old?
How did people just make it through those hard times like the cold war, the great depression, the atomic bomb?
How do we keep finding reasons to keep trying?
Everyday I am finding at least, at minimum, ONE reason to keep trying.
And it's enough. Shockingly.

I deactivated my Facebook account.
I feel like it's more of a negative influence in my life than anything else.
I used to have it as a way to keep up with people I cared about.
But realizing that it's not a tool for that anymore. It seems invasive and manipulative. Hiding certain posts, or straight up not showing you stuff, even based off of your preferences.
I just feel better not having it.

I started an Instagram though. I'm trying to make more art daily and it's a good way to show off those rough designs and shit!
Twitter has been a way for me to reach out to people who seem to care.
Although lately it feels just as barren as Facebook and REAL LIFE.

I read something earlier, "I want free wifi at my tombstone so at least more people will visit and stick around."
It's sad that I'm at this point in my life where when I was young, I was extremely social and had a lot of people to hang out with, but now I have nothing.
I wonder if it's about how I alienate myself. But honestly I don't want to force myself or my shit on anyone so I just keep to myself.
I even try making new friends but I guess I come off as some kind of rapist.
A girl gave me her phone number and I told her I was interested in talking to her about her stories and art, but she took that as me trying to fuck her, I guess? and told me she wasn't interested in hanging out because my intention wasn't clear.
I was just confused.
How does,
"Hey I like that art and creative writing stuff we talked about when we met. Art and creative writing is interesting to me, tell me more about it." 
sound like, 
"Hey you're a girl and I'm a guy, we should push our genitals together. Oh I don't care if you're in a relationship or what values you have, or even what you look like, or even who you are as a person because we just met." 
 I just felt this, "Not everyone wants to fuck you lady. Get over yourself."

ANYWAYS fuck my personal life. It's absolute trash right now.
Aside from trying to make friends I'm trying to also find a significant human I like to spend my time with that is of the female sex.
It's been going horribly. A person I like or liked I had been talking to for a long while finally decided to cross some barriers with me which meant that we might actually start dating instead of just texting each other.
But this person ghosted me.
Straight up 100% poof.
Well, not exactly. Here let me explain. We had finally set up a date and plans to meet. It was all good, and I was excited because I like her.
I don't mind that she's a single mom. Or that she ignored me for a couple of months while she was sleeping with some other guy.
That shit didn't matter- although while it was happening it sucked because wtf man.
I just wondered what made me good enough now lol. And I guess that was the concern going into it. I felt like it was going to happen where she would ghost me like before.
Anyways I'm waiting for her to show up and I'm like oh, it's not going to happen. And as its happening it's the shittiest feeling ever. Like I'll never be good enough.
But the issue is that I am good enough. It's not me in these situations. It's the other person and their ego? or their perceptions? or what I don't know.
I am honestly getting tired of putting myself out there.

I'm a good dude, put into some shitty situations, coming back from them with less and less of myself.

I just need to make art. Just make art and just make art.
But I have emotions and shit that need to be quelled.
Art is a good thing but it doesn't satisfy everything for me.

Twitch Con is a go. I got the car rental all prepared and my Con Badge in hand. I'm stoked to take some time to myself and hang out on the beach. I think it will be a nice getaway.
Tucson Comic Con after that in NOV. Getting the stencils cut and painted slowly.
When I get back from Twitch Con I'll get my stickers printed.
Woo woo!!
Thanks for reading. See ya soon.

New Bear and Tiger Stickers.

Tonight I wanted to get down on some Tiger and Bear action.
I was recently crying because life is hard and I felt like a weeping bear.
So I wanted to make a piece reflecting that. I've always loved this picture I saw of a crying tiger and took to that as inspiration.

Here's the roughs I did for them. Really liked it. Loved the idea of linking the two with the eye patches.

Drew it a couple of times and got a feel for it. Loved the idea of making it symmetrical to minimize work.

So it carried over into the base of the image.
I liked it a lot, only having to complete half of the image and then flip it over.

Now that the flat shapes were done all I wanted to do then was add the details of the tiger.

So there was about the finished piece. I started working on the bear to see if it would work out. The bear wasn't exactly symmetrical but I worked it out no problem. I followed the same routine above with the tiger and finished the bear pretty quickly. 

Words.

A person who feels hopeless believes that no one can help with a  particular event or problem.
A person who feels helpless is immobilized and unable to take steps to solve problems.
A person who feels worthless  is overwhelmed with a sense of personal failure.

These just sit heavy with me lately.

Not to mention something that wasn't probably a big deal to the person who did it to me, but man it impacted me pretty harshly.
And I know it was most likely playful and harmless.
I just left thinking and feeling worse than I've felt in a while.
I guess I'm just emotionally vulnerable right now and it just fucking shattered my shit.
I was at work. People were arriving to swap shifts to relieve the morning crew, (me and my other pals) when one of the closing employees starts up a conversation with me about video games. We always chat about OverWatch or what ever. We were chatting it up and everyone's doing stuff getting ready to leave and I'm just kind of relaxing talking, but this other employee just walks past me and is like, "Get out. You're off now. Why are you still here. No one wants to see your face. Get out. Go on." and I was mid sentence talking to my co-worker. I go silent. He looks at me and is like wow that's harsh. I said aloud, "I will go when I'm ready." but something in me just said to get the fuck out right then so I undid my apron and packed up and just left. I didn't sign out of work or make sure my time card was right or anything. I just fucking left.
The only thoughts in my mind. My fucking inner voice was so pissed off.
It hurt my fucking feelings. Just kept thinking "fucking stupid bitch"
it literally shattered me.
Not some shit I wanted to hear. I work hard at that damn stupid tea shop and this bitch comes at me with get the fuck out.
Rationally I'm like dude it's just a joke. I know she had to be kidding but I just can't kick the repeating shit out of my head.
it's been hours and I've got this heavy feeling in my chest still like what the fucking hell.

Anyways so I'm looking at my art and stuff, thinking about how to combine suicide with a security camera. Kind of like my vase, rose and pistol piece.
Trying to think about the camera. It's always watching. It's always rolling. Always seeing.
I want to do something where it's bleeding 1s and 0s.
Something along those lines. Who knows? Something will hit me and I'll be like COOL.
I also just want to write a fucked up story about a guy who's trying to survive some kind of dystopian situation. It starts out kind of like showing how fucking pathetic he is, but then he mans up. and starts to make it. Finds this awesome girl who likes him and stuff. They start to get serious and she gets fucking brutally murdered. He can't make friends because they die some fucked up way all the time.
Everything he does just falls apart.
He's just trying so fucking hard and he just keeps going but everything is against him.
It's basically Mad Max. Fuck I just ripped on something I really love.
It's also The Walking Dead. Another thing I find awesome.
I guess you can't really be original these days.
I'll have to figure out something else with the idea.
Meanwhile.

 

 so the caps I got with my spray paint cans kind of really suck ass. I'm going to have to buy better caps soon.

I think that they will turn out pretty awesome and will be a decent sell at comic con.

More to come soon.