I'm alive.

A couple of weeks ago, I was going up to Phoenix to sell some video games. I was panicking as a passenger in my friends car due to minor anxiety. I decided to write and distract myself, it didn't work. I got a great basis for the story I want to tell involving Oliver & Monster Butt. 
Been reading about comics and story boarding. Reading about how to tell a better story. Found a good 3 act structure to help get my ideas in line and follow an arc that makes sense.
Been looking for a job too. It's not going too hot but there are a lot of prospects.
Trying my best to just get by. It's silly how things work out when you just focus on the positive stuff.
I've been really depressed and off emotionally this holiday season. I guess the lack of friends and family are getting to me.
I have spent a lot of time with Jon (muh best bud) and his little family so I haven't been exactly alone.
Started a note bank of good things that have happened so far this year. It's actually really awesome to find the things that make you smile or just make you feel good and writing them down to save for later, like a little reminder.
I can't wait to see how it will look by next year. I have mostly got one good thing a day so far.
I'm working on stuff for the stream. Got some emotes done and will tweak them to be the best eventually.

Here's the basis of Oliver & Monster Butt

Act 1
Oliver has to go through a path where he has to choose. And he makes the right choice a kid would make. The visuals need to represent a trial, but one he was meant to fail. Cause he's just a kid with a big imagination. We introduce a kid, who's in a big yard with big trees, leaves blowing around. He is raking up leaves, when he discovers an old Action figure. He starts to play with it, gets a bit side tracked . lost in his mind, we see him in our reality, but he's clearly somewhere else in his mind, and his step dad catches him, startling him, causing him to shatter his imagination / reality. He wants to play and have fun, but he can't. His stepdad has an angry look in his eyes as he looks over at the leaves and piles that need to be cleaned up.

Act 2
Realizing he has work to do, he gets back to it. Distracted by his best bud monster butt, a silly looking monster, he seamlessly transitions from reality to imagination. Following a white butterfly that brings life into that old figure. They play in the leaves and run through this immense forest of magic and wonder. His imagination is vibrant and alive. They play hide and seek, which causes a huge mess in the yard. not realizing he had undone all of his hard work Oliver realizes that an ominous figure is watching over him. he gets chased by a big black monster, through the woods. He's crying and hiding but he gets grabbed by this monster hurts him while monster butt tries to protect him. Monster Butt and this monster fight for a few moments when Monster Butt is flung away and knocked out.

Act 3
 Oliver is grabbed and hurt, forced to the ground he balls up. Monster Butt fights this monster, exchanging blows, but eventually overpowers it and gets it to leave. Monster Butt finds Oliver, Oliver is on the ground with mb as a pillow as he's crying, with marks on him / bruises and the figure is destroyed. He gets up and starts raking up the leaves again.



Here are those emotes I did.

They don't register too well in the small format so I have to edit them to have bolder lines. They look great like this though. =)
The bulbasaur laughing is a take on a popular twitch emote called LUL
It's of Total Biscuit laughing- But Witwix did a Blastoise version of it and I kind of riffed on it with Bulbasaur

Working on a design that's been kicking around in my head for a while involving Legend of Zelda Items.

So there was my rough idea, just kind of thinking about what I really waned, moving items around wanting something that would be repeated well, but I didn't like any of the comps I did so I put this together and was satisfied.

Got a good feeling for the line I wanted. I'm digging this thick line and not too serious about linework feel. I guess it's kind of becoming my style.

Added the base colors I wanted to use.
Then started thinking about texture.

Then adding some finishing touches.

I finished it, but when placing it on products I just felt like it's falling short.
I need to work on my core elements of design and figure things out when I'm in the rough stage to avoid doing a lot of work for something that doesn't look good.
Not saying that the piece is bad, it's just not working for what I wanted to put it on.
I just kind of made something hoping it would work out.
I need to be more critical in the rough stages of design and focus on what it's going on, with colors and shapes in mind.
I might be able to avoid issues in the future with going back and editing it or changing things all the way.
I think what I can do to solve some issues is instead of having a circle, just use a rectangle and see how that works out.
I essentially wanted this to be a phone case.
To me now it's pretty obvious a circle doesn't work too well with rectangular objects!!

Anyways, keep an eye out for more work. Just kind of floating along all right!

Liberation

Thursday I decided to take a stand for myself.
After countless arguments and being scolded like a child and treated worse at my job I decided to quit.
I left.
I'm not going back.
I felt like I had to keep trying for some reason. Like I had to put myself through it.
And I don't. I don't have to put up with abuse, verbal and mental, from anyone.
It's not like the job was bad, it's just the management has no grasp on how to treat employees or handle situations that come up with people who work and interact with each other on a daily basis.
I liberated myself from a terrible situation.
I am free.
Free to do what I choose. Move, run, hide, plant myself some where else, blossom, be human, live and be happy.
I am terrified right now.
I have seriously $0. I usually have a back up plan but for the first time in my life I'm just winging it.
I keep thinking about what to say but honestly I have nothing.
I cant think of anything nice to say. I'm just not going to say anything at all.
Keep letting that guy, Eric, think that he's some kind of good dude, when really he's not.
The situation just got out of hand recently and I was basically forced to walk away because it would end up with me blowing up and spending time in prison.
No one should talk to someone else like he talked to me.
Freedom is a scary thing.

I finished the Lion.
He looks like he can hang out with the other animals.

I should really color them. Or maybe make a coloring book? I don't know.
Maybe I should work on making furry art. Get some commissions and work on Patreon. Start my porn empire.

I sent a couple of fans of the stream a sticker for Christmas. I got some pictures of them so far. I'm excited they liked them.

Pizza Ghost!!! Let him take over the world!
How exciting. =)

In the meantime I have no idea what to do.
I'm just kind of in limbo.
I guess I should work on stuff.

Zachy used Struggle. It's not very effective.

You ever feel like even though you're taking steps forward, you actually aren't making any progress at all?
Like you're on a treadmill.
I drew a robot guy walking his dog a while ago and posted it on Intsagram.
Figured I would push it to the next level.

I just had a lot of things to work out as far as style and stuff went.

So I just did a rough layer of drawing on top to kind of figure out what shapes and shit I wanted to do.

It's not finished, but it's most of the way there.
Looking to color it and texture it soon.

Also, adding another character to my hipster animals.

A lion, smoking a j and eating some pizza.

I did a little bit more drawing to add some style to him. Looking at adding Pizza Ghost to him some how, like a patch on his pants or just a reference to him on the t shirt.

There's the progress without the shit line work behind it.
I think he fits with the realm.
Thinking about coloring the whole crew and I want to do some other animals.

Adventure Shark!

Hey guys. If you follow me on Instagram you might have seen this shark picture before, if not! Here it is! It was a cool little thing I just doodled with marker on receipt paper.
Figured I would work on it a bit more and see what comes of it.

Started thinking about what it would be in, since it's a shark wearing this domed helmet.

So of course he's some kind of space traveling shark adventurer. With a cool gun.

Duh!

So I was like, what kind of gun? Harpoon gun! DUH!!!
Hahah. Exploring what this guy should be and what he is, was pretty damn fun.
I liked working out the rough ideas and figuring out what could make this guy pretty cool overall.
Give him an aesthetic that is super appealing to my sci-fi side. Since it's so unique I was feeling that crazy Lost in Space robot with crazy noodle arms. Clamp fingers and stuff. Just old school vibes.

All we did was clean up some lines and get the overall thing looking unified.

Then we explored color and textures.

It looks pretty damn cool. Glad to mess around with stuff. Hope you enjoy it as well.

Buy it right here on all kinds of stuff!!!

Thoughts and Feelings since the last post.

I wish I would have taken my own advice from last year and did some shit that's popular from Tumblr.
I would have made some money and actually sold stuff.
But I stayed true to myself and made stuff that was emotionally satisfying to me.
I was hoping more people would jump on the wagon and support me.
I guess it's a little too far fetched. Seeing other famous comic book artists not do so well at this con was kind of uplifting. But hearing it was the worst convention they've ever done was really shitty cause this is my home. So to hear my community wasn't as supportive or up to par with others was a little disheartening.
I just kept thinking to keep making stuff that I like, and someone else, even if it's one person will like it too.
I sold a lot of stuff that I personally loved making, but just not enough to cover the costs of making it.
It's fine, I'm not bitter about it. I had a great con.
It was fun hanging out, laughing, enjoying the other artists art and perspective.
I met a lot of great people.
It was 100% worth the money. I kind of felt like not doing it again though.
Skip out next year, but if I really try this year and make stuff that's middle ground I might make some headway.
The people making money this con looked like just cheap prints. $10 11x17 prints with deals for other ones, who had 40+ images done.
So they had a huge selection with cheap deals. It looked like they were making money hand over fist.
I just don't want to take that route.
We'll see how things play out.
I'm borderline at the point of just giving up on everything again.
My laptop isn't holding up for casting on Twitch at the moment.
I can make art on it. Playing games though, it's been having a rough time managing simple tasks like running a game and capturing at the same time.
I was hoping to have a new computer already but my support online is next to null lately.
It's really just pushing me away from trying it as a career avenue.
I just feel less and less capable as time goes on.
I'm going to try to make a lot of stuff that's mashing up my favorite things with other things to keep on goal with making something for RIPT, Teefury, and Yetee.
I really just feel like a failure lately.
It was cool to make a couple of bucks at Comic Con, pay for the booth and the other fees. But it's just like, that's all. Nothing to pay myself back, just that emotional satisfaction that I did something.
Which it feels good to make the art. It feels good to go live on Twitch, to broadcast my experiences and share art.
I just feel so empty right now.
I honestly just feel like giving up on everything.
When do I really ever feel different?
I feel like a broken record.
I'm definitely broken.