Black screen. Rustling around and sounds of clattering plastic. You
hear the sound of an old TV power on. A high pitched whine and then TV
static. A loud click of plastic and a scrape of a switch with a 'nick'
and the screen flashes a large glowing "S" glimmers for a second and
then blackness again. A melody beings to play. A triumphant heroic theme
plays.
The black screen pans down to an image of a book. It says "Press Start" flashing.
Close
up of a young boys face, big square glasses, images of the TV screen
reflected in his glasses as you hear buttons being pressed. Eyes wide
and blinking seldomly. The images flash heroic people. A young knightly
man with light armor and a large sword. A young girl with large elf ears
and frizzy hair in a wizard robe and a big bent witch hat. A small boy
in cleric robes and a large gnarled staff, monstrous wolf-man with wind
powers, then the music turns dark and scary, images flash of goblins,
beasts, flying harpies, and a giant pig-headed warrior king. The
Pig-warrior king commands the army to attack with the wave of his arm,
there's fire and a loud crash!
The sound and the smell of
cigarette smoke brings the kid back to reality as he notices a large
figure in his doorway to his room. Startled he puts down the controller.
Close up on a strong jawline, cigarette in the lip hanging out, lit. He hits the cig.
The
figure spoke, the voice, a low grumble, "Get your fucking chores done,
I'm not telling you again." Smoke seeping from out of his mouth.
The figure has a strong outline, you cant make out features because of the darkness in the room.
The man is leaning against the door frame leaving a little room to slip by.
The boy jumps up and squeezes past him as he stands there intimidating.
A
young boy grabs a rake and begins to rake up leaves and debris around
the yard. Piles of leaves and what not are already made from previous
hard work. He wipes his head with the bottom of his shirt.
He's
a chubby boy with short brown hair. He's got big square brown glasses,
hiding blue eyes. He's wearing a two toned white and blue striped shirt,
torn blue jean shorts which are a little dirty and a pair of old dirty
sneakers that were once white, but now just gray and worn.
He
quickly grows bored, trying to rake up more. Realizing all that's left
to do is just shovel all this into the garbage he decides it's enough
and begins playing with toys strewn about the yard.
The boy's by himself. Running around having a good time.
Boy and this figure are off in a world of their own...
He
places him down, runs around and then picks him up again. Talking
softly in a hushed gruff voice we can't quite hear what he's saying.
We
close up on Boy as he kneels down and starts to crawl as if he's
sneaking. The scene pans up and you see a heavily protected fortress
with spotlights, cameras and guard posts. No one is there, oddly. It's
quiet.
He senses something is watching him, and it's not clear if it's good or bad. He gets a weird feeling.
He looks around cautiously with a furrowed brow. He pulls his cohort close.
"This one's for the commander." He barks as gruffly as he can, he ties a bandana around his head.
He's in a blue sneaking suit. He makes sure the bandana looks cool before he runs off.
He
flips and rolls, dodging the spotlights and squeezing past the view of
cameras. He tries to find flaws in the defensive perimeter.
Two
generic soldiers approach the fortress door. One holds the door open as
the other goes through. Then the other one holds the door as it slams
behind them.
He sees that even though it's a huge fortress the
front door is unlocked. There's no lock at all. But the door needs
someone to hold it open.
A spotlight quickly spots him and he freezes in place mid-step.
The screen cracks and shatters like broken glass. The pretend world breaks away.
He's tip-toeing mid-step right in plain sight in the middle of the yard.
A woman's voice is calling for him to come inside for the night. It's getting dark as the sun is setting.
He
runs around the yard picking up the rake and putting it next to the
shed which the damn door is hard to get open. He struggles to get the
shed door open. He squirms in the shed, the shed door slams and he's
standing in darkness. He's frightened and hastily puts the rake against
the wall. Boy rushes out as quickly as he can, breathing heavily. The
shed gives him the willies.
Mom's calling him in and he's
hardly done any yard work, how is he going to be able to play his game
after dinner? He's realizing that he might have messed up big this
time.
Dinner is served and Daddy is cold and rigid, he
just sits down at the table, smoke blown down onto the table from his
lit lip cigarette.
He seems angry about something. He's just a downright negative force. It's something everyone can sense immediately.
Cigarette smoke crawling out of his mouth as he hits his lip cig.
Mom's trying to make dinner pleasant. Asking about the yard work,
"I see you got stuff ready to be picked up. Lot's of big piles of leaves! I think you're doing a good job."
Mom smiles at Boy, who's looking at her in disbelief.
Daddy lets the fork hit the plate with a jarring clangle.
"I
don't think he's working hard enough." He pauses and glares at Boy. He
pops the cap off of a bottle of beer. The cap hitting the floor and
rolling to a stop.
"I see him out there just running around
and yelling, laughing. I told him to have it done today or else." His
low voice creating a stir.
Boy knows he's in deep shit now. He should
have worked a little harder. He tries to reason with himself. The yard
work is pretty much done. He wants to defend himself.
Boy tries to speak, but he can't get words out as Daddy leers at him.
Mom hits the table and the dishes clang a little. They begin to talk in harsh whispers.
Boy
looks down at his plate, poking the food and taking small bites. Boy
begins to think about the mission. There's something really cool in that
fortress.
I bet it will make me a hero.
He remembers the game and begins to wonder about the story.
"Can I be excused?" Boy gets up from the table, cleans his plate into the trash and puts the dishes in the sink.
The
table is silent with a cloud of smoke as Mom and Daddy sit there
silently. Her arms crossed against her chest. Her body language shows
she's pretty pissed but she's silent. Daddy continues to eat as Boy
rushes to the bathroom. The night sky poking through the windows as he
washes up.
He's getting ready for bed, making a game of brushing his teeth.
Boy
counts to ten on one side then opens wide letting all the foam dribble
from his mouth to his chin and into the sink. He does it to the other
side of his mouth.
He's singing, garbled and mumbling, "Pink in the
sink. Pink in the sink. Pink in the sink means you're brushing too
hard." He tells himself as he runs the water to clean the sink.
He cleans up and then goes to his bedroom.
Mom comes to the doorway of his room and wishes him a good night as she closes the door.
The
house grows silent. He lays as still as he can, trying to hear
anything. His ears perk up as he hears footsteps that go to his parents
room and the door closes.
Boy kicks the covers off in one motion. He's in his blue sneaking suit. He sits up as he ties his bandana on his forehead.
He kneels by the door to look under the crack. A light is on in his parents bedroom down the hall.
He sits there silently for a couple more seconds. Silence.
Boy
rushes up and clicks on the video game. The flashing "S" makes him
smile. He's excited to get into the story of this game. The screen
flashes and shows a young knight having to take up and become a hero to
save the world. His mentor telling him that the only thing that can save
the world is a magical sword that's locked away in a dungeon. The
mentor, an old grizzled man with an eye patch and a wispy gray beard
tells him it's going to be quite a challenge and that he cannot do it
alone. He's going to need people to help him on the way.
Boy holds
the controller up to his head. He closes his eyes and thinks about what
he just saw and read... He wants to be a hero. Nothing sounds more
exciting then being someone else. And why not be a hero?
He
thinks about the hero in the game. He imagines himself in the armor with
the big sword that saves the world. He feels awesome.
He opens his eyes. He wraps a blanket loosely around him and continues the game.
Boy
comes along in the story where he reaches the dungeon but he's alone.
He continues through the dungeon anyways, the sword is in there and in
order to be a hero he needs it.
The boy fights the monsters in
the dungeon with no trouble at all. His Hero is strong by himself! Maybe
his Mentor was wrong! Who needs anyone else if you can do it yourself!?
He finds a large room with the sword that saves the world.
It's locked in a pedestal on a raised platform. The room is dark, webs
and egg sacks are in the corners.
Boy moves the Hero further ahead
into the room. The sword is in the middle of the room. Webs strewn
about the floor, Boy doesn't think it does any harm but suddenly Hero is
tripped up and stuck.
A trap!! A flash of the screen and a huge
spider boss attacks the Hero. The Hero is trapped and can't move. Boy
can't do anything as the Boss Spider keeps attacking his Hero.
Hero's
HP is getting lower and lower as Boy starts to get upset. I can't let
him die! I can't die here! The spider hits him for the last time as the
HP is drained to zero. The screen fades to black as a sad symphonic song
plays. The screen lights up. In the background is the dungeon where his
hero was slain, as a grave plops up from the bottom of the screen. The
tombstone pops up from grave.
It reads "R.I.P." with a skull next to the tombstone. Big flourished letters spell "Game Over" as he puts the controller down.
A little upset he remembers the Mentor did say he needed allies to beat the game. Maybe he can't face everything alone...
He clicks the game system off and slaps the TV button off.
He
plops into bed looking up at the ceiling. He doesn't want to die. He
touches a light bruise on his arm. He presses hard on it causing him to
wince but he accepts the pain.
He rolls over in his bed looking out
the window. The fence in the yard covers half the moon with a starry
sky. In this moment he feels peace and falls asleep.
We pull
away from him in his room. He's laying in bed, his pillows have no
pillow cases, they are stained with dark marks. His bed mattress is on
the floor with no sheet. The mattress has ripped holes. The room is a
little disheveled and not very clean, but his toys are organized and his
toy box has cool action figures and cool things in it. We go past some
video game cases and we see the cover of one. It's of a brave soldier
who's in a blue sneaking suit. The cover of another is of the game he's
playing now. It looks like an old otherworldly book with the Hero
standing behind it with his sword above his head.
The carpet is rough and dirty. There's a hole in the wall that doesn't go all the way through, and the door to his room doesn't latch close.
We zoom out a little further and we see he lives in a small run down trailer in the middle of a trailer park.
The ramblings of a man just trying to find a place in this fucked up reality. You will find writings, digital art, physical art, and other things among this fetid pile of trash.
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Saturday, May 19, 2018
How does it happen like this every time?
Originally I posted this 5/19/2018.
Some shit went down that was straight up ridiculous and I made it private / took it down.
Well, since everything is all said and done here it is.
_______________________________________________________________________
Some shit went down that was straight up ridiculous and I made it private / took it down.
Well, since everything is all said and done here it is.
_______________________________________________________________________
redacted
Today I got into my car and I had to take a second to keep myself from breaking down.
I'm so fed up right now.
I just can't believe all this hard work I have done my whole life and people still treat me so poorly.
I work really hard to have what I have.
I don't know what I do to allow behavior like this?!
I do my best to treat people with respect and I talk to them as a friend and yet I still am treated so negatively.
I can't believe the last 5 jobs,
GC Services - Collections,
Bookstore - Retail,
Bookmans - Retail,
Chatime - Barista / Retail,
Zia - Retail,
They
have almost ended up the same way. Someone has an unjustified
unwillingness to work with me, they then continue to cause problems for
me until I either lose my shit and quit or it goes so far that I can't
defend myself and I'm asked to leave.
I am at my limit with how my recent job treats me.
Originally, this job was a life saver and it was honestly awesome.
Then in June last year when I got transferred to Speedway it became a fucking nightmare.
I
had been mistreated by the assistant manager and one of her lackeys and
I wanted to quit so hard for 6 months. I asked repeatedly for transfers
and shift changes. The way they would talk down to me, and make fun of
me, or just cause stupid problems with little taddletales and shit just
got overwhelming.
I
did a lot to show my appreciation for the job. I'm vocal about what's
working and what isn't. I tried trouble shooting things and finding ways
to work with it, you know how that ended up? I had to just put up with
it because of pure incompetence. I don't know how many times I've had to
walk away pissed off because nothing happens. I kept asking if it was
me, or what because if I was the problem I would quit.
One day my assistant manager tells me very boldly that I just need to find a new job and that I should quit.
When
I got a car I had the ability to switch to night shifts to alleviate
the tension since my store manager did nothing. I had to take the
matters into my own hands. Swapping the shift was a breeze.
I
finally was feeling some peace but now as time goes by on these nights,
the lack of compassion and drive these night shift managers have is
deplorable.
I
asked to move back to days or work mids and I get this as a response
with a scoff, "Not everyone gets to work their preferred shift."
My managers unwillingness to work with me is really frustrating, and then on top of that the job is just really letting me down with how they congratulate and reinforce the people who literally do nothing their whole shift except text on their phone and fuck around in the aisles while walking from the front to talk to co-workers, then get bored then do the same shit to the back of the store.
I just don't understand how they want me to work so hard, for nothing then everyone else can fuck around and do nothing and it's OK!?
My managers unwillingness to work with me is really frustrating, and then on top of that the job is just really letting me down with how they congratulate and reinforce the people who literally do nothing their whole shift except text on their phone and fuck around in the aisles while walking from the front to talk to co-workers, then get bored then do the same shit to the back of the store.
I just don't understand how they want me to work so hard, for nothing then everyone else can fuck around and do nothing and it's OK!?
I do not work so hard to be talked down on, micromanaged and belittled.
I know my job and what's required of me and I complete the tasks because I am a reflection of my work. I have pride in what I do and this is where I'm just tired of it all.
I walked out of work today and I saw my car.
I put my stuff down in the car and I sat there just thinking about this whole situation.
I always have this thought in the back of my head that just keeps saying how I should have just killed myself in 2010. Because it's not like anything is much better now.
I always argue with this damn statement because cool things have happened since.
What I felt tonight was just pure hatred for these fucks I work with. It's like dudes, I don't treat you this way why is it OK to talk to me like this, it isn't.
I looked at my car, got in and was just like damn. 9 years ago I didn't have this. It was all taken away.
I left my job and I lost my car, I got court ordered judgements against me. I walked and took the bus to school when I enrolled.
I suffered for two years before the school gave me excess funds. I had to borrow books and scrimp on supplies for my projects because I had no other way.
Then I got a job at the bookstore and things just turned around for me. I was able to support myself and be something.
The school stuff didn't pan out with an awesome job in the industry but the people I met along the way helped me feel better about being alive.
And after all that time I worked really hard on myself, trying to make myself something cool using what I learned, so I could get a job doing something with my art.
But to no avail I had to still keep crawling from job to job to make things work out.
I'm still struggling. Nothing has really changed. I'm in the same spot I was before I left for school.
I just hate it when that nagging voice is right. I couldn't keep myself from being shitty about it.I know my job and what's required of me and I complete the tasks because I am a reflection of my work. I have pride in what I do and this is where I'm just tired of it all.
I walked out of work today and I saw my car.
I put my stuff down in the car and I sat there just thinking about this whole situation.
I always have this thought in the back of my head that just keeps saying how I should have just killed myself in 2010. Because it's not like anything is much better now.
I always argue with this damn statement because cool things have happened since.
What I felt tonight was just pure hatred for these fucks I work with. It's like dudes, I don't treat you this way why is it OK to talk to me like this, it isn't.
I looked at my car, got in and was just like damn. 9 years ago I didn't have this. It was all taken away.
I left my job and I lost my car, I got court ordered judgements against me. I walked and took the bus to school when I enrolled.
I suffered for two years before the school gave me excess funds. I had to borrow books and scrimp on supplies for my projects because I had no other way.
Then I got a job at the bookstore and things just turned around for me. I was able to support myself and be something.
The school stuff didn't pan out with an awesome job in the industry but the people I met along the way helped me feel better about being alive.
And after all that time I worked really hard on myself, trying to make myself something cool using what I learned, so I could get a job doing something with my art.
But to no avail I had to still keep crawling from job to job to make things work out.
I'm still struggling. Nothing has really changed. I'm in the same spot I was before I left for school.
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